Lucy and Levy's Book Club
by SpinalCoil
Summary: Lucy and Levy review this week's chapter of their favourite manga. *WARNING: Latest chapter spoilers here*
1. FT Chapter 341

**This parody is a celebration of Hiro Mashima's ****_Fairy Tail_****. It contains commentary on the manga. I do not own the manga or the characters.**

**UPDATE: In this chapter Lucy and Levy will be giving their impressions on Chapter 341 of the manga. It might help to have the manga chapter open. It gets a bit complicated not knowing who's who but hopefully you'll get it. I didn't want to explain it because explaining parody defeats the purpose of a parody. Look out for word plays, ironies, allusions, innuendos, clichés...I tried to make Levy and Lucy use the 'language' of book worms where I could so the tone of it might be annoying until you get used to it (I was channeling Hermionie Granger and Dawson's Creek). Hopefully it's not a pain to read.**

* * *

**Lucy and Levy's Book Club**

**Chapter 341**

"Lu-chaaan!" Levi McGarden cried running up to her best friend and fellow literary geek as she walked into the Fairy Tail guild with her team. "Three more! Nero Yashima released three more chapters of Faerie Tale this week!"

Lucy ran excitedly up to her friend, happy to see her after spending four exhausting days away with her destructive team in Clover Town. Boy they were a handful! She needed rest and relaxation after what she had just been through, and what better way to relax than to talk manga with her best friend?

"I know Levy-chan!" Lucy said grasping both her friend's hands in her own, practically jumping over the blunette's head. "I grabbed the first copy I saw at the train station. They were already practically sold out. I haven't read it yet though."

"Me neither. I was waiting for you to come back so we could read it together".

"You didn't! Okay, let's grab a table and a drink and read it together!"

Both girls ran off towards a table in the middle of the guild hall, oblivious to the blank stares they were receiving from everyone around them.

* * *

**15 minutes later.**

...

Lucy looks up from her reading and glances tentatively over at Levy to see if she can gauge the solid script mage's reaction.

...

Levy looks up from her manga to her best friend, slowly meeting her eyes and holding her firm, questioning gaze.

...

...

...

Pffffffhahahahaha

Both girls burst out in a torrent of laughter, spittle flying across the table and at each other.

"Oh... my gosh!" Lucy started, holding her stomach "that...was ...that was-"

Ha ha ha "I know!"

Ha ha ha ha ...ha...ha

The girls met each others' eyes slowly once again as their laughter died down. Each girl looked at the other's face, and that was all that she needed...

Silence.

...

Pffffffhahahahaha

The girls' frenzied, uncontrollable laughter started up all over again. This time, unaware of the confused, curious and amused looks their guild mates were shooting at them, they made no effort to stop until they had gotten it all out of their system.

"Oh my" Levi gasped as she wiped a stray tear from her eye, "was all of that even necessary?"

"I know!" Lucy responded between heaving breaths, "I think I see Lucia's naked body as much as I see my own!"

"That groping between Cannes and Lucia was hilarious! Cannes is literally attacking her. If only Cannes could make that determined face in battle! Poor Lucia, being manhandled by everyone." Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha "Yeah...but I feel like it's just too much now. It's not... um... interesting... if we see this kinda thing all the time. Same for Sara-Mae, I'd like to see her fight too."

"Come on, Lucy. We got six chapters in two weeks, and the last Lucia naked scene was 10 chapters ago, by rights it should have been 2 and a half months since we last saw Lucia's nice body. That would have legitimately qualified as a Lucia drought. It's poor Levane I'm thinking about. Levane DeChanel is not built for fan service. She has a far loftier purpose."

"And Lucia, Cannes and Sara-Mae don't?" Lucy laughed out. "You think Levane isn't 'lofty' as fan service? She's just as lofty as the rest if you ask me. In fact, I think her loftiness is far underutilised. Next ten chapters I say it's Levane who gets groped!" Lucy laughed and attempted to clear her throat, "Well, there _was_ some informative content in there-"

Ha ha! "Is that what you're calling it now? Content?"

Heh heh "Levy. There was! Come on! In spite of the...um... backdrop, we got some good information"

"Backdrop? Lu-Chan the backdrop took centre stage! I don't even remember the words that went with them" Ha ha ha

Ha ha ha "But you're laughing"

"Well, it _was_ entertaining"

"Exactly. It was entertaining for us _and_ it's meant for boys. Can you imagine their reaction? No wonder this sells so much!"

Suddenly both girls looked at each other, the same mischievous idea crossing their minds. They grinned at each other wickedly before Lucy turned around to face the group in the table just behind them.

"Ne, Natsu" Lucy called sweetly to the salmon-haired fire mage sitting with the rest of her team.

Her partner looked up at her quizzically, "Yeah Lucy"

Lucy helped Levy flip the magazine over to the coloured front page, stifling her laughter. Both girls then turned to Natsu, their innocent eyes masking impish smiles.

Handing the magazine over to Natsu Lucy pointed to an obscure object on the top panel, "according to you, what is the image on this blue flag?"

Natsu turned the manga over, his eyes immediately registering some of the 'content'. He froze, taking in the scenes and swallowing very slowly.

Lucy looked over at Levy, her eyes twinkling. Instead of looking at the top panel, the boy seemed bewitched by something at the very bottom of the page. His eyes widened and his mouth dropped, his face slowly turning a darker shade than his hair.

Eventually, the dragon slayer was able to form coherent, though gasped, sounds "H...HU...HUGE!"

Gray leaned over from his position next to his rival to look at what was in the salamander's hands. The ice mage immediately turned beet red and coughed up the liquid that he was in the middle of swallowing. He held his stomach and doubled over as he coughed, his eyes still straining towards the paper in Natsu's hands.

The commotion snapped Erza out of her strawberry reverie and, as she looked over in anger at the source of the disturbance, her eyes caught the magazine. Slowly, she turned from the paper to the two amused girls standing on the opposite side of the table, watching the proceedings with a bit too much interest. She turned back to the paper, and then back to the girls.

"Loocy-" she began slowly, as the magazine was stripped from the hands of the still recovering Natsu by a curious Macao, followed by Wakaba. Both men shouted and laughed loudly upon eyeing the page, earning the attention of half the guild. "So this is what you girls are reading, is it?" Macao hollered.

"This is nothing. If this is the kind of stuff you're interested in, have Macao and me got some reading material for you!" Wakaba shot back at the girls happily.

At that moment, an unaware iron dragon slayer walked into the guild with his Exceed close in tow. Levy's eyes widened immediately, a thought running through her head. Lucy glanced at the solid script mage and smiled, knowing exactly what she was thinking. Levy jumped across the table and grabbed the magazine from the now immobilized Macao and Wakaba who now appeared to be salivating.

_Ewwwww_!, the blunette thought as she ran towards the guild doors. "Gaaajeeel" she sang as she approached the unsuspecting man. "Lucy and I were wondering what the image on this blue flag might be. Can you help us?"

Gajeel looked down at the paper and squinted, staring at the contents of the page for much longer than Levy liked. She was just about to roll the magazine up and clap the jerk over the head with it when he raised his head proudly.

"Looks like a cross. Or an ankh symbol" he said casually before starting to walk away.

Lucy covered her mouth with both hands and laughed at the look on her shocked friend's face. It was priceless. This was clearly not what Levy expected. And it hit her hard. As Lucy figured, Gajeel was definitely a good catch.

Levy, however, was not to be defeated. She suddenly flipped through some pages until she found the page she was looking for. Running after the dragon slayer, she found her moment and let herself 'accidentally' drop the magazine open to the floor. Gajeel kneeled down to pick the fallen object up for her and his eyes caught sight of a few images on the page. For a second he forgot where he was and froze midway, staring soundlessly at the page. _Was he even breathing_? Levy wondered as she took in the scene.

Satisfied that she'd bested him, Levy grinned and took the magazine from his hands, "thanks Gajeel" she said sweetly as she skipped off and left the stunned man standing there, dry mouthed...and a little bit happy.

Lucy laughed lightly and began to turn back to her table, stealing a quick look at Gajeel as she did so. _Was...that...blood...peeking out of Gajeel's nose?_

Lucy didn't have time to think about it as Levy plopped down beside her.

"OKAY! It's decided." Ha ha "This stuff works magic for its intended audience. Well done Yashima for knowing your target market! Moving on, what else did you think about the chappy?"

_Chappy_? Clearly, Levy was in a really good mood.

"Well, the very best part of that...um...chappy...for me was Merry and Carla! I'm so happy for him. He's finally getting through to her. I can't wait to watch this develop more."

"Yes, I enjoyed that too, but my favourite part had to be Elsa and Gwinnie's play. Oh my gosh! Elsa is just so bad at acting, and her face...God her face! She's just so pleased with herself and so happy, it's hilarious. I loved it! And Gwinnie looked so cute!"

"I know. What do you think Clare was doing there?"

"Rival for Cannes? Lucia's got her very own Julia now!" Levy laughed at Lucy's sceptical face. "What? Look at how Clare lashes out at Cannes. Clearly, she's getting payback for Lucia's boob grab."

Lucy huffed loudly. "Julia. Julia...Julia...Julia..."

Levy burst out laughing, "that chick's bat shit crazy. Is that a Ray doll she carrying around...no wait..." Levy looked down at the page in front of her and laughed out loud again, "more like clutching? That's not cute at all. She was less creepy when she was rainy Julia."

Lucy laughed loudly along with her friend. "I know she's creepy but is that all she is? Creepy? I'd like there to be more to her. I think there might be... but clearly that's not what's important is it? It's what she chooses to be, the parts of herself that she chooses to develop, and she seems to choose to be some obsessive Ray devotee than someone with her own perspectives and strengths. Even the strengths she shows are all about Ray than about herself."

"I know. I want to like her too." Levi responded falling into a more serious mood. "She doesn't have to change completely. She's the kind of woman who devotes herself to her man. Fine. But at least treasure and respect yourself more Julia. Obsession is not love, and you can't really love another person until you love and respect yourself. Show us that you do!"

Lucy and Levy nodded together, not sure what more there was to say. Obviously Julia had dampened their spirits.

Both girls then looked up from the table spotting a blue-haired water mage walking by slowly, holding her hand-made plushie in her arms.

"Oh, Juvia" Lucy called out. The water mage looked over at her love-rival...and friend. "Levy and I are going to the market down by the docks later. I know you like to go there, would you like to come with us? We're gonna cook dinner for all the girls after at my house, maybe you could join us?"

Juvia's eyes sparked, though she kept her shy appearance. Looking down and twirling her index fingers she responded, "Juvia would like that very much" before walking away silently.

Levy and Lucy looked at each other and smiled. "Juvia is so cute" Lucy whispered happily.

"I know." Levy agreed. "Watching her has made me happy all over again. Next two chapters tomorrow?" She asked getting up with her friend and heading towards the bar where Mira-Jane and the other girls were chatting.

"Definitely!" Lucy responded.

* * *

**Author Notes: Thanks so much for reading to the end of the first chapter of my first story. I hope it was entertaining and some parts were funny. It was very funny in my head but when I started writing it didn't feel funny. I don't think I can write humor but I gave it a go. Please let me know what you think.**

**My plan is to have Levy and Lucy review the latest chapters of the manga - or at least selected chapters. Please review and let me know what you think - that'll let me know if I should continue this. Even if you hated it. I'm happy to get suggestions for making it better if you like the idea. I'm still undecided about the tone. **

**Thanks again for reading to the end XX**


	2. Chapter 2: FT Reloaded

**Chapter 2: Faerie Tale Reloaded**

**Thanks to those who viewed, favourited, followed and PMed me about the last chapter. I really appreciate it. Please continue to let me know what you think about this as I go on. I'm happy to hear from you – good or bad. **

**The last few chapters of the manga didn't have much spoof material really but I wanted to set up the new feel of the manga, and something else, hence this update. To make up for the 'set-up-ness', I've given this chapter more of a fun story feel. And a yummy little Omake at the end! **

**If you like dry, super cheesy humour – read on!**

**I always use Mangastream translations so if you don't see a quote exactly in your version of the manga, it could be because of the translation you're using. **

**This parody is a celebration of Hiro Mashima's **_**Fairy Tail**_**. It contains commentary on the manga. I do not own the manga or the characters.**

* * *

Lucy turned the kettle on and returned to the table behind her to assemble the rest of her cake tray, trying to keep calm. It had been a week since she'd seen Levy. The day after their girls' night Levy left on a mission with the rest of team Shadow Gear and a few days later Lucy herself left on what should have been an easy day-long request with Natsu and Happy. Erza, Gray and Wendy eventually joined in crying that no matter the mission Team Natsu should see it through together and something about the bonds of nakama and living together. Lucy didn't remember everything since she had already started to fear the day ahead.

Lucy sighed as she remembered how her easy rent money mission turned into a fight between Natsu and Gray on the best way to get the poor kitty out of the tree: Happy and Charle just stood there and watched when they could have just flown up there and taken the poor thing down. Erza eventually lost her patience with the two and summoned her Lightening Empress Armour and sent a lightening beam at the two, taking the tree and some of the immediate surroundings with them. Lucy held her head, _they always go overboard_. The team spent the remainder of that day and the following one doing small jobs around the town to pay for the town hall and the baker's shop that took the brunt of Erza's blow. The statue of the town founder Albus Beetlemeyer took some damage as well but as an Erza fan the mayor preferred to leave it that way in memory of the day the Titania came to their small town.

_No rent money again_, Lucy puffed . . . _and I wonder what happened to the cat_.

Lucy didn't have time to think about it as at that moment her doorbell rang and Lucy's spirits soared as she thought of the one person in Fairy Tail who bothered to ring the doorbell, and who wouldn't think about coming uninvited unless there was an emergency.

She threw the door open to a smiling Levy McGarden who stood there grinning with two magazines in her arms. No words needed to be spoken. Lucy stood back from the door and Levy skittered in, aiming for the dining room table, dropping the books unto it with a quick plop. "Is there tea?" She asked taking a deep breath and calming her strides.

"Of course there's tea...and cakes!"

"Great! I'll help you."

Both girls ran off to the kitchen, each going through the required motions until the time was right to let out all the energy they were suppressing.

* * *

"So, chapters 342, 343, and 344, what did you think?" Lucy stated grinning at her friend who she knew was just as eager to get started.

"'Faerie Tale Reloaded' that's all I have to say. Nero is going back to what made the manga special in the beginning – adventures with Katsu's Squad. So much nostalgia – a request, Katsu and Ray fighting, Lucia and Elsa following to make sure they stay in line, the light sustained comedy, Elsa's luggage...Elsa's Luggage!" Levy put her fingers to her temples and popped them back out, "I can't believe I missed hoarder Elsa. We've spent the last year watching her being so serious. We haven't seen Elsa's sugary cute side in so long. I'm really happy!"

"Me too! The reason we love this is because of the lightness and the comedy, but the last arc was so serious that the comedy seemed forced. When lost, go back to the beginning and remember what works! I'm looking forward to this arc."

"Yep, me too. And it seems Ray will finally get some well-needed character development. Oh! Even the character introductions with the order cards are back! Did you see?"

"Oh my gosh, Xing-kun! He's so lustrous in that cover page! 'Being touchy is proof that he's being honest'" Lucy read out from Xing's order card page. She looked at Levy and grinned naughtily. "Honesty is a noble quality. If being touchy is what it takes to draw out his good qualities, well it'll be hard work, but as it's for a noble cause, I give in...be as touchy as you want Xing-kun!"

"Lu-chan that's so cheesy! And come on this is a manga, in real life Fiore people don't just go around touching other people as they like. Besides," Levy paused and smiled at Lucy, scrutinising her friend slowly and deliberately, "I seriously doubt you're capable of drawing out his...noble qualities."

Lucy dropped her jaw and feigned offence at her friend's words, "Stingy".

"Well, read the order card, he clearly has his reptilian preferences. But even I have to admit the boy does look good, and at 19 he's already master of Fiori's second strongest order, Sailor's Tooth*. That's not bad at all."

"I know." Lucy smiled wickedly at her friend and Levy knew another painfully cheesy quip was coming up.

"Oh no you don't." Levy intercepted before the blond could get started. She knew what was going to happen and she couldn't allow it. Not a second time. The last time the blond had read Happy's _1000 Dragon Jokes for a Long Ride Home_ on the train from a mission Levy had spent the better part of an hour listening to dull toothless dragon gags. She knew Lucy had a huge arsenal of cheesy 'toothy' jokes to spare, none of which were even remotely funny.

"What?" Lucy laughed "not even a Tooth Faerie one?"

"_Especially_ not a Tooth Faerie one!"

Lucy laughed and pouted exaggeratedly, deciding to allow her friend to have her way . . . but not without one last crack, "Your loss. I've got a zinger about a toothsome blonde, a dragon and a toothache."

Levy smiled, refusing to admit that she _was _curious about that last one, deciding to retort instead "What? No sailors?"

Lucy only knew one way to answer. She smirked, "An old sailor walks into a brothel-"

"Stop right there! Somehow I know this is going to involve teeth...or no teeth... or both, and I don't even want to know. No more joke books for you. In fact you're now banned from Happy's and Walrod Cken's personal libraries unless you're accompanied by a responsible adult." Lucy opened her mouth to speak, but Levy only laughed, "And no, Natsu doesn't count as an adult".

Lucy laughed out loud this time, meeting her friend's mirthful eyes. "So what are people in Magnolia saying about the chapters?" Lucy asked getting back to the point at hand.

"Seems most people are happy with the change in the chapters. They're saying Nero is going back to the original story that he had planned, before getting caught up in public opinion and trying to please everyone."

Lucy nodded taking a bite of chocolate cake. "I get that feeling too. Somehow the last arc just felt like things got out of his control and the story was going somewhere he didn't plan, or becoming bigger than he anticipated. That's why things moved so fast and didn't feel like Faerie Tale."

"Yep" Levy agreed. "These few chapters somehow feel more genuine, like Nero's heart is in them. I'm happy to see where it goes."

"Me too." Lucy said browsing through the most recent chapter. "Crap!" She squinted at something on the page, "Are Lucia and Katsu wearing matching bags?"

Levy grabbed the magazine to see better, "no way! It does look like it. Just different sizes maybe. Has it always been like that?"

Lucy rolled her shoulders, "I dunno, I'm too lazy to check for sure, but it could have." Lucy groaned and sighed. "All these matching accessories, wrist bands, clothes, and now backpacks! Who does that? It's so embarrassing."

Suddenly Levy broke out in a fit of laughter.

"What?" Lucy asked.

Ha ha ha "I'm just..ha ha...thinking of Elsa's luggage compared to Lucia's." Levy broke out in laughter again pointing at the two pieces of luggage in the manga pages. Lucy compared the luggage and immediately followed her laughter.

She thought about it for a moment and responded, "but when you think of it, Lucia could probably fit a month's worth of her luggage in that backpack if she wanted to."

"Ooohhh Lucy..." Levy laughed.

"What?" Lucy giggled. "It's true! Ooh, how cute is little Elsa? It would be so great if her personality slowly regressed into a kid over time, and her adult self is shown battling urges to play around with everyone. Especially the Exceeds! Oooh Elsa assaulting Merry and Carla thinking it's a game would be so fun to watch."

"Yeah, it would. But even Elsa's younger self was pretty strict if you remember so maybe she won't have a different personality even if she regresses into a kid's personality."

"True." Lucy paused reflecting on the situation a bit. "It would be nice to see Lucia take care of her like a big sister though. Their relationship hasn't really developed in a while so this would be a good opportunity. I can only imagine Lucia trying to keep up with a serious and battle ready Elsa!"

"Now that _would_ be priceless" Levy agreed.

"LUUUSSSSHHHYYYYYY!" A small blue Exceed cried flying into the room and right into Lucy's chest.

"Happy! What happened? What are you doing here?" Lucy was too concerned about the little intruder to scold him at the moment.

"LUSHY do you know where my _1000 Dragon Jokes for a Long Ride Home_ is, I can't find it anywhere! It's not in my bag or Natsu's," Happy whined.

"Remember you asked me to hold on to it because you were afraid Gray and Natsu would destroy it? It's in my bag."

Happy stopped and stared at the blond incredulously.

"What?" Lucy cried her annoyance warming up now.

"That's impossible." Happy finally declared. "How could a big book like that fit in your tiny bag?"

That was it.

"Why you little...get over here," Lucy jumped off her chair and grabbed for the Exceed. Levy could only look on in silence and wonder as Lucy chased the cat around the room.

"GET OVER HERE YOU RUDE CAT!" Lucy screamed, colliding with some dishes that were on the kitchen counter as she ran.

"Lucy...keep it down will you, I'm trying to sleep" a drowsy voice called from the bedroom.

Lucy froze, trying to make sense of what she'd just heard.

"Natsu what are you doing in my house!" She screamed running into the bedroom wielding a rolling pin. _When did she pick that up?_ Levy wondered _Sometimes, Lucy could be just as scary as the rest of her team_.

"NATSU GET OUT OF MY BED! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU I DON'T WANT YOU SLEEPING IN MY BED!" Lucy cried at the top of her voice.

"But Lucy, you promised we'd go shopping for new wristbands and stuff tomorrow." The dragon slayer sulked. "It'll be much faster if I'm already here. Then we can go on another mission."

...

...

...

The next thing Levy heard was a series of loud crashes and pained yells.

_Seems Book club is over _she sighed smiling at her guild mates' antics.

* * *

**4 hours earlier **

On a train destined for the peaceful(?) town of Magnolia slept a beautiful blond girl with a blue sleeping cat on her lap. Next to her was a little blue-haired girl who was resting on the blond's left arm. She was also holding a little cat. On the blond's right shoulder slept a dark-haired man, swaying slowly with the movement of the train. Opposite the group was a green, salmon-haired ...person(?) lying across the seats, his hands clutching his stomach. If it wasn't for this aberration the scene would have been the definition of tranquillity.

Across the carriage, at the very end, stooped a curious red head quivering over something she held delicately in her hands. At any arbitrary moment the woman would emit strange squeaking, gasped or even pitched sounds. It need not be said that the passengers surrounding her held tightly on to their loved ones and avoided all eye contact with the woman...or each other! Frankly, she terrified them.

Erza Scarlett crouched silently(?) in a corner of the train, attracting as little attention as possible (or so she thought), overwhelmed by the sheer genius she held in her hands. "Elsa" she breathed out, "this Elsa..." Erza's body shook, "she's...she's amazing...as expected from the hero of this mabawah."

* * *

**10 minutes earlier**

Erza Scarlett rummaged quietly (or so she thought) through Natsu Dragneel's backpack. _It's here. I know it._

She shuffled the contents of the bag around some more. _I saw her buy the naughty mabawah she and Levy were reading in that last town. I'm sure of it!_

Suddenly, Erza stopped her search, her eyes darting eagerly around the carriage landing finally on the blond's backpack . . . _No, there's no way it'd fit in there!_ Her eyes moved on, down to the little backpack Happy usually carried around his shoulders - which now lay at the blond's feet.

_Ah ha!_ She exclaimed mentally as she tiptoed over to the green backpack, opening it carefully and rummaging through it. She smiled mischievously as her hands caught hold of the smooth material. She quietly closed the bag and tiptoed inconspicuously (or so she thought) to the back of the carriage, her eyes twinkling with accomplishment and eagerness. The nervous passengers who felt her aura and saw her movements gulped with obvious apprehension.

The redhead's friends however, slept silently, none the wiser about Erza's mini-train adventure.

* * *

***Yes, there exists a legend told far and wide about Sinbad, the strong, laid-back and slightly depraved founding father of Sailor's Tooth, but that's a crossover story (with a different rating) for another time. **


End file.
